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Question by Rose: My 5-year old son started school this year. He’s had a lot of behavior issues. I need some advise.?
He just started Kindergarten this year (all day). So this is a huge adjustment for him. Basically his behavior consists of not listening to the teachers, not following instructions, and disturbing the entire class.We have tried to do different things at home to improve this behavior and it seems as though his behavior is better at school when we give him a lot of attention at home. Not only me, but by my husband. We have been spending a lot more time doing things outside (ride bikes or golf). He seems to responding well to this. We have had good weeks and bad weeks. I am a little frustrated with my husband right now. Because my son is very active, I decided to sign him up for flag football. I believe that this will be a great way for him to stay active and a great way for us to support him physically. My husband had made the decision on his own to not let him play because he had a couple bad days at school. I think that he is wrong on thinking this. I don’t see this as being award to his bad behavior, but being proactive in keeping him active (in return promoting good behavior). I feel that taking this away is a big mistake. I am hoping for a little advise on this. Am I wrong?
Best answer:
Answer by jaleeljoseph
Continue getting him involved in extra curricular activities and it will help his behavior. It seems he gets along with lots of ppl instead. Keep up the good work. You’re doing your best. Your husband doesn’t understand children’s behavior once he gets it he allow your son to play with his friends
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his acting out in school might just be for attention so not allowing him to play football as a “punishment” might just make his behavior worse. what you should do is reward him when he is good (positive reinforcement) instead of punishing him when he is bad (negative reinforcement)…it sounds like he is responding to spending more time with you guys. just be sure to be on your best behavior because he is probably watching and learning from you.
Sometimes you need kids to fear the wrath of mom, otherwise they will just end up running over you in the process, if he messes up in school he knows that obviously he can get away with it, There has to be some enforcement here, And Punishing a kid by taking away something he loves is the first strike, Then obviously the next time he thinks about it, he will think twice because he knows he will get grounded. If that don’t work take it to the next level, and adhere to the old school tactics of physical ways and means, such as the belt or a wooden mallet, im not joking actually thats apart of the problem these days, Kids running rampant while the parents sit back and do nothing, Good luck.
i think it is a good idea to sign him up for flag football
I think that’s a sign of AD/HD, look it up, you might want to talk to your doctor about it and if that’s the case, then keeping him busy and active is the best thing for him.
People these days are too quick to jump on the ADD/ADHD bandwagon. I think your husband is on the right track by taking away something your son loves as punishment. Give it a try, and if it works, great, if not, then you will know you need to think of a new option for punishment. I agree that he is wanting attention. You need to stop thisbhavior now before it escalates into worse behavior down the road. GL!
you found what it helping your child out, so stick with it… punishing a 5 year old for having a bad day or two isnt going to help the situation and your husband need to realize that. he is 5 and it happens…
We had a LOT of trouble when our daughter started kindergarten. It basically took me and her teacher working VERY closely on a daily basis to get her on the right track. There were a lot of evenings when she was isolated in her room for misbehaving…and there was a lot of rewarding for days she DID behave.
After about 2 months of non-sense…the bad attitude and behavior completely STOPPED.
She actually ended up becoming student of the month TWICE!
I am not sure if she was sick of dealing with consequences or the constant botherment of her father and I on her a** every single night…
but what i THINK it was…i think she finally became adjusted to the new situation and was learning to deal with it.
To make a point, I think kindergarten is a harder adjustment for some kids than others. Some kids, it just takes them a little longer to be OK with the fact they have to sit still in a chair and learn for 6 hours a day!
I am sure it is tough. And i am sure your child will come around as mine did.
I think what your husband did was right I also have 5 yr old in kindergarten with the same problems. He is a very active kid and has problems at school so his punishment when being bad is no toys, no TV, and no playing outside with his friend and he has to help mommy clean. If he is good at the end of the week he gets to pick between a toy (a cheap one) or his fav. candy (which he can’t have during the week he is already full of energy doesn’t need any extra sugar). By taking away something he enjoys doing it is showing him that his bad behavior has a punishment. I understand your problem being he has so much energy and that a good way to release it but there is other things he can do which is why my son helps me clean gets out the energy and shows him bad behavior won’t be tolerated.
At this age he is wanting mommy time. I assume he has been home alone w/ you until now? For the time being just spend a certain amnt of one on one time w/ him each day totally concentrated on him (I suggest one hour) and the rest of the time like any other day (e.g. cooking while you are talking to him or helping him, etc…). Flag football would be nice, but at this age it is really about teamwork and not about the game, so I don’t think it is a big deal if he does not start. Your husband just wants to see some consequences.
I had a similar prob w/ my son in pre school/kindergarden. I used to punish him when he got home (like time outs or taking something away) for his misbehavior at school. Then he asked me why he should get punished 2x for doing one bad thing (once at school, once at home)…..yes, he was 4 or 5 at the time…I thought about it and he was right.