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Question by ANSWER ME NOW! (please): I’m intimidated by my WASP boyfriend. Would you be?
He was born and raised in Connecticut, his parents live on a 10acre estate, he went to a private New England boarding School, he only buys the best clothing (Brooks Brothers suits, ralph lauren polos, ray ban sunglasses, etc.), he already owns his own 2-story house and 2 cars (one of which is a $ 70k sportscar), goes golfing all the time, eats at $ $ $ $ restaurants….you get my point.
I, though, come from a run-of-the-mill middle class family from the suburbs, I went to a public HS and right now, I live in a crappy neighborhood in a crappy apt because I’m paying my way through medical school. I know this is stupid, but I’m a little worried about inviting him to my place and having him see that I ain’t loaded and don’t live a lavish lifestyle like him. But, that aside, how can I stop being intimidated by his “elite” status??
Best answer:
Answer by Adam Jones
Give up your judgement of what his ‘elite status’ is. Also stop being ‘judged.’ Does he like you for you? Do you like him for him?
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I am sure he would not care about all of that. You must have talked with him before. He must know that you are not flush with cash. And I am sure he has friends that are in the same economic scale as you. Invite him over for a home cooked meal and lots of special attention by the cook!
He’s either going to like you for who you are or not. Stop looking up to his lifestyle. Your lifestyle was probably freer than his; you probably came into contact with more interesting people than he has; you’re probably less afraid of being in “bad” neighborhoods or eating at local dives than he is; you probably know more about using your wiles to deal with difficult people (landlords, bosses, etc.) than he does; it’s probably easier for you to put on an old pair of jeans and go out like that than it is for him; and there are so many other things you have that he doesn’t. Show him your world. There’s a lot more freedom in your world than his. Be proud of your world. Don’t be shy about it. Both his world and your world have their charms, one isn’t better than the other. They’re just different.
If he truly loves you it wont be a problem. Just be honest with him and be yourself. There is nothing wrong with the way you are living at the moment. You should be proud of yourself for being able to pay your way through school.
You either like each other for who you are, or you don’t really like each other.
Either way, finding out is a good thing.
J
its just things guy..he was born into it, it does not make him a better man with it, and anyone can have it, as well as lose it..whats in your heart, is worth more than any of those things..do be impressed with materials.enjoy them if you have them, enjoy life if you don;t.
The thing about the relations between men–intelligent, masculine men particularly–is that they are based upon a certain natural, instinctual, social, moral, and sexual equality that makes nonsense of the artificial gradations of class and classism (which women, femmy boys, and trannies just cannot seem to shake their belief in). As long as neither of you are affected or insincere, and you both like one another for yourselves, there shouldn’t be a problem. If he’s a real person, he’s not going to be judging you for being poor or for coming out of the ‘burbs. In fact, he’ll admire you for paying your own way through medical school, and might even feel one-down to your gumption and self-reliance. You, meanwhile, if you love this guy, can resolutely put any kind of envy or pre-judgement out of your mind, and be happy for him that he lives this beautiful lifestyle and has this wonderful elegance and polish that so suits him–and about which, if he’s any kind of a man, he is so becomingly modest. Just be real, and love one another: Nothing, but nothing, else matters.
There’s a certain way that I would expect a boyfriend to act. If he came to my house and acted like a jerk, then I would take it as a sign that the relationship was probably doomed. I’d rather know how he would act in that situation. I’d rather that he just show his true colors from the start, so that I don’t have to keep guessing.
If your boyfriend acts like an elitist jerk, at least you know the truth. If he doesn’t, then there may be potential yet.